Pathetic.

You might ask, "How are you since the 1st day of this year?"

Allow me to answer your question as briefly as I can.

I cannot forget how my year started. That day, I was so pissed off with someone to the point that I had to cry it all out. Then I thought, "What a great way to start the year." There and then I knew that this is not going to be my year.

My first month of 2010 was all about me struggling on ways to reconcile with my sister. I had many attempts to get back to her but unfortunately, I was ignored (and I still am, by the way). Until it came to a point that I stopped, took pity on my self, and said "I've done my part. This is where I stand, and this is where it has to end." So there, I finally gave up. And she must be really very happy that I did.

I'm fed up with all the drama so let's move on talking about my job. It will be my 6th month in the company on the 11th of Feb. And I am simply amazed how time passes by so fast. Well, I think I'm doing just fine. Recently, I've been working late. I even left at 10 o'clock last Friday night. I like it that I'm busy, though. It keeps me away from all the UNnecessary thoughts that could ever cross my mind. I'm still keeping up with my job. So far, so good.

And finally, I would also like to share this to you. I hate the month of Feb. Okay. I am bitter. It's just that since birth, I haven't really felt how special this month is. Now that I have finished school, I am supposed to be eligible to be in a relationship. But guess what? I am still single. It's kinda frustrating to be single at this age (I am 21, by the way. Turning 22 this year.) I really envy those who have someone special. Nakaka-inggit! My friends keep telling me lots of words of wisdom just to comfort me which I appreciate, by the way. But mehn, honestly? I am already desperate. I don't need sympathy, I need love. HAHAHA! Oooppss! Sorry, do I sound pathetic now? Sometimes I just end up asking God, "When can I have my love story, Father?" *sighs*

Anyway, I have to end here. This update was supposed to be brief, and I'm sorry it's not. HAHA!

01-01-10

"I know I'm still lucky to be in this situation... But the mere fact that I can't stop thinking of what could've been makes me feel oh so sad. Like I said, it's always a choice to be happy. But what if even happiness won't make itself an option? I guess it's just something I have to deal with... and all that's left to do is pray that in the long run, I will learn to get used to it."

4:30 PM, New Year's Eve

Bus Stop 27451

while waiting for the bus to the nearest shopping mall

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!

Fine. You're favorite line.

Want me to prove to you a lot could happen in just 10 days? Read on.

I have already moved out yesterday. It was once just a plan I never thought I’d really do. I am the type of person who does not easily give up but when I’m told to, I do. "Someone has to say it."

If you read below, I said ten days ago that I was pissed off with the situation and not the person. But after I talked to the person and tried to fix things up, and even tried to ask help for me not to give up, I am now angry with both the situation and unfortunately, with the person. And you know what? I just realized that when it’s pride you’re fighting with, it’ll knock you down. And it’s a slap on your face when pride reigns over love. Some people claim it’s all they got. The question is, has it done something good to you and to the people around you? If yes, were you really happy? Or just pretending to be happy? You wonder what’s wrong. Have you ever thought that maybe it’s because of your pride everything has gone wrong?

Ugh

Well good luck to you and your pride. May it give you the happiness you think your unworthy family cannot give you. May you live happily ever after.

Unhappy

This afternoon, two of us from the company were interviewed by representatives from Personal Excellence about how it is living and working in Singapore. One of the questions was, "What motivated you to come here in Singapore?"

Then I just remembered WHO motivated me, and not WHAT. And unfortunately that person who was my main reason for coming here, is so far away from me right now. So near, yet so far. I'm afraid I might be giving up on this person. This person is just too strong to handle. It has been eight days and during these days I've been trying to find the perfect time to break the ice. But every time I try to, I keep seeing reasons not to. Not yet.

My heart is enraged. Not because of this person, but because of what I have to deal with right now. My family is my weakness. I may be coward at times, but in my mind and in my heart I would always try to defend whoever hurts anyone in my family. But the hardest part is when 'whoever' is also part of the family, the closest to me.

I really don't know what to do. I am so caught in the middle of a situation I never wanted to happen. I wonder why I had to deal with my mother's feelings all by myself. For a week I have been shedding tears every time I think of what's happening with my family right now. And it sucks giving my parents some false hope. It'll only be me who's coming home, Ma.

It's funny how someone you hate could make you turn against your family and blaming them for something they didn't even want to happen.

Well, a decision has been made. I just hope it won't make the situation worse. But to be honest? It's going to get worse. I'm just so scared.

We'll see what happens in the next few days or months.. If I continue to be unhappy here, I will move out. I know it's risky but I know it'll be easier that way. And I know so well that it'll be my loss. I'd rather live alone than live with someone who's mad at me and my family, someone who thinks that going home is not worth it. I wish she realizes how this is hurting me, how this is gonna affect my parents, and how I have to deal with my parents' feelings, something she claimed she does not care about. My friends say she's just mad. I know she's a smart person and I've always believed in her. But I don't know why this time I feel like she's making a huge mistake.

Pardon me for my scattered thoughts, I'm just so lost right now and unhappy.

The Update I Owe You

Remember I told you I'd be leaving for Singapore last May 6? Yeah. I left Philippines and after 60 days, I went back. If you only knew how frustrated I was looking for a job and then ended up going back home. But you know what I love about life? Surprises. While I was back home, I got an email. I got hired! So two weeks later, I flew right back to Singapore. It felt like heaven having been hired. God has finally blessed me with a job here in Singapore. I actually work as a Systems Analyst at JobsCentral Pte Ltd. I recently just finished my probation last week. And so, here I am... A regular employee after three months.

I'm starting to get the taste of real life. Work gets stressful sometimes, and ugh... BUDGET! And sometimes, I really miss the people back home. But what keeps me going is the fact that God gives me blessings which I am and will be forever thankful for. I'm so thankful that my first job is here in Singapore. They say I'm lucky. I say I'm blessed. *winks*

This is just a short update and I hope these pictures will fill you in. ^_^

our room

oh yes. i am in singapore. haha

me and my sister during her birthday celebration last Sept 18 @ Forbidden City

my IT teammates

my Jobscentral family

Paintball, anyone?

Here's an update: Guys, I am now working as a Systems Analyst here in Singapore. And just last month, we had our annual team building in the IT department. Guess what we did for fun? PAINTBALL! It was my first time to play paintball! I really had so much fun even if I already got tired in the first few minutes of the game. HAHA! Paintball is a very interesting game you guys might wanna try.

Not being satisfied by just playing, I tried to search anything about paintball online and I came across this website that sells paintball guns and gears. Okay, it's not that I am planning to buy gears now. But still, I wanna share to those people who might be interested, especially GUYS! haha! To those who would want to buy the guns and gears at just one purchase, you can buy the spyder victor paintball gun package. OR if you really wanna make the most out of your paintball game and be totally ready for it, you can try the spyder extra, for some additional items.

I know right? If you wanna have fun you really have to invest on what you love. And hey, paintball is all worth the investment! Enjoy! Aim and fire! *winks*

1234... I LOVE YOU

1234 - Plain White T's
lyrics

1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you